We’re currently in the biggest base in Afghanistan, prepping to leave. I remembered something vital as soon as the bulk of these guys started coming in: I hate my unit. Drama City, USA. Oh, how I didn’t miss you.
So all of this started about a week or two ago. I came back from R&R to find out one of the soldiers in my team transferred to another FOB, and was replaced by this guy who was fucking up at a different one. The guy’s a weirdo, but that seems par for the course for my team at this point. Whatever. Anyway, since I’m this dude’s first line leader, Any problem people have with him officially goes through me, and I have to break the news to him. He’s been getting complaints about his odor and my squad leader asked me to deal with it. I hadn’t really noticed anything, but told him to do the regular hygiene stuff (change every day, shower, deodorize, etc).
Because the R&R block is in full swing now, we’ve been periodically getting shift changes, and the most recent one has me working directly with him. I woke up late to work, and had to do all of my personal hygiene stuff on the job. This is how it went:
*Brushing my teeth*
Him: Are you brushing because you smoke?
Me: No, I didn’t get to brush my teeth because I was late this morning.
Him: Oh, then I guess it’s been a while since you’ve done it.
Me: ….No. I brush my teeth every day.
Him: That really doesn’t do much for you.
Me: Really, smartass? How often should you brush your teeth, then?
Him: About once a week, when you can see plaque.
Me: No, dumbass. If you’re noticing plaque, that’s bad.
Him: ….Is that why my teeth are always yellow?
I then went on to ask him how often he washes his clothes and changes uniforms. His answer was once every two weeks. I really don’t wanna be the dickface that informs my squad leader about this, but he didn’t listen to me last time. What do?